Day 1: A better me, A better us

Well I’ve gone and done it now. I finally pulled my ass out of the couch and put it into my 5-year-old track pants. Don’t even know why I still have those. Does anyone wear those noisy track pants anymore?

A few things I learned this morning.

  1. My 1-year-old Beagle/Healer is not a good running partner
  2. After 10 years of not running, no reason at all just didn’t feel like it, I can still run flat-out for a mile
  3. Stretching before and after is really awesome for my body, but I’m sure I’ll feel it tomorrow
  4. I’m not as self conscious about running in public as I thought I would be
  5. Finally, I need a decent armband to hold my iPhone.

Since I used a tracker to track my run I’ve put it out there for the public and now everyone knows whether I will continue or fail. I’m such a procrastinator it’s not even funny. I wait until the last-minute to do anything, and then when it’s here I will decide right then whether I will do it. Since I woke up before my alarm went off I decided that was some sort of sign to get up and go run. So here’s my stats:

Lifetime Totals

Total Miles Total Hours Workout Total Calories
1.73 0.51 1 178
Type # Maps Distance Duration Calories
Run / Jog 1 1 1.73 mi 0.51 h 178 kCal
1 1 1.73 mi 0.51 h 178 kCal

Perhaps not my best, but it has been some time since I’ve actually gone out into the world and ran. Plus in this Mississippi humidity…ugh…can barely breathe some days. I’m hoping to get back to my APFT stats. My very last APFT I ran a 2-mile 15 minutes flat. That APFT was actually the best I had ever scored. I believe I had 280 across the board. I remember everyone was surprised since I had pulled a lot of extra duty and not doing very much pt, but that extra duty actually had me doing a lot of different types of exercise that no one really thought I was staying in shape.

Changing my outlook on me has also given me time to think about my family and how we’ve been parenting. When LB was born neither DH nor I knew how we would discipline. Both of us had grown up being spanked or switched, so it just seemed natural that we would do the same, when it’s warranted. It hasn’t grown out of control, at least we haven’t, but LB has become out of control. He is normally a very good boy, but when we’re getting ready for bed or we take the Wii-mote away from him it just becomes unreal. He’s 2.5 years old and when he gets mad, not only will he scream out his frustrations but he will also start to hit us.

Before LB was two, friends of ours said they don’t discipline their children by spanking, but do a lot of Supernanny techniques. So one day I sat down and watched a bunch of Supernanny episodes, the ones with Jo Frost, and taken a few mental notes. We pulled back on the spanking and made it more for those really bad times. Still, it hasn’t been enough. We had just left one of the local splash pads and went to get dinner at Subway. LB was tired but being very obnoxious and not listening. So I spanked him. Everyone looked at me and I stood behind what I did, didn’t waver at the looks, but it still had me thinking. LB didn’t cry, he just stood up and started to behave, so I took it as a sign I didn’t hit his butt as loud as it sounded. We gave our orders while people still stared. Am I really that bad of a parent?

We live in Mississippi, the state where paddling students is still allowed, the place where in every Walmart where you can find a mother spanking her child. Am I really all that different from any of them? We went home and went about the rest of our evening. Fast forward to Sunday night: LB was being really bad. DH spanked him and sent him to sit at the stairs. Later I spanked him and sent him to the stairs. DH took him to bed and LB was punching, kicking and whimpering in his sleep. That was the last straw.

“We are no longer spanking him. It is time outs from now on.”

“But sometimes he deserves a spanking.”

“We’re going to have to get passed it.”

It’s been a little difficult. Where either one of us would normally spank him we’ve sent him to the stairs then talked to him to explain why it happened. Hopefully after a couple more weeks of no more spanking we will all feel more comfortable. I think it’s been more difficult for me. I grew up watching my Dad do some pretty bad things to my mom, then my mom turned around and did some mean things to me. I’ve coped for a very long time the mental and emotional abuse she put me through.

I was the worst person, worst daughter, in the world for forgetting to tell her happy birthday or happy mother’s day. It was nothing but screaming and “you only care about yourself” over and over. Every year I would tell myself the night before both days I need to tell her, so she would know I really did care. I still forgot and I remember one time I cried I’m sorry so much but it didn’t matter. So I’ve grown not to care much for those two days. I told my husband just making happy memories and a birthday cake is all that matters. Whatever else comes is just a bonus.

So this year is bringing a lot of changes. We’re changing our parenting techniques to have better children, I’m changing the way I look and feel about myself, and I’m finishing my last year of school so we can move on with our lives and not feel stuck anymore. I guess you could say this is my new year’s resolution, just a few months late. Hopefully the next post on the topic will come with even more positive results.

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