First real big change of the new year…and I’m scared

We have a lot on our plate lately. Baby #3, Robert Charles, is due in less than 5 weeks, I’m about to start my last six months of school, and our lease on our home will be ending in a little more than 30 days. Funny thing is, I’m more afraid of these changes than the notice we received from our landlord.

Christmas made things very tight, but knowing we only had to wait a little while longer for school money made things all the better. We tend to find ourselves in this situation each time school money is about to arrive. It’s just harder this time around because we have daycare expenses. I never knew daycare could cost so much, and to add a third child into the mix, we’re looking at over $1200 a month. That’s as much as our rent on one income plus school money.

We’ve had to make some changes and these changes will begin to aeffect our lives shortly. With the birth of Bobby just around the corner, we’ve had to think real hard what is best for our family. Three kids, one income plus school money, even on WIC we just can’t survive. The baby will be well taken care of with breastmilk and when we feel he’s ready food from the WIC program. We get plenty of bread and other items just for the three of us, which brings our grocery bill down just enough. It is only supplemental program after all.

To make ends meet, and than some, we decided it is time to move to something more affordable. We decided to move back to the county, close to some of the family. After someone tried to break into our home a little more than a month ago, with me and the boys being the only ones here, we decided the county would be best for us. That was a very scary time for us and luckily I’m not opposed to using a gun. In fact, that was what scared the asswipe away. So back to the county we will go.

There are only a few minor cons to this. The biggest one being DH will be commuting 45min to an hour each way for work. We will be far from our friends and no longer within walking distance to a park. Our kids will still attend daycare, but this will really be the only time they will get to socialize.

We want and looked at our new place today, a manufactured home. DH has family land so that won’t be a problem. When he described what our new place would be like, I was excited. Something that would still be big enough for all of us, but just enough that we could manage. I was shocked when we saw the place. Fearful really. It is so small. I knew it would be somewhat small being a three bed two bath, but I never imagined it would be that small.

My husband thinks I’m depressed about it. Really, I’m happy to ne out of our current home soon, but I wasn’t expecting to downsize so dramatically. We won’t even be able to fit half this house in to our new home. It’s a start though. After talking about it with my Grandmother, she made me feel better. She made me realize I am scared. I’m not depressed about the moving, just scared. DH and I have built a life together for nearly 7.5 years. We have a lot of stuff, not to mention the amount our children have accumulated in the span of three years. We have to go through everything and see what can be stored, what can be sold and what can be trashed.

I think the thought of doing all of this is what’s scaring me so much. There are something’s I don’t want to be rid of, but than there are many things we can absolutely live without. We can stand to part with many things, but perhaps it is the packing up our lives for ssomething so permanent that scares me. We often start out small, just beginning over when we must find ourselves needing a fresh start. It’s never easy either. Starting fresh but affordable means getting rid of or leaving a lot.

Moving out to the county means no internet. Sure we could use HughesNet, but we’ve done that before and as much as we use now we would be running up our bill tremendously. We will have to leave that behind. We won’t know until we get our first bill, but perhaps with a smaller place our light bill will go down. We probably won’t have 4G anymore since we’ll be just far enough away from the closest city. That will also make school that much harder. I will have three classes online and one on campus. Most of my work will have to be done while on campus and I’ll be able to complete whatever I can on mobile blackboard, so that’ll be helpful. We will have to do a lot of our eating at home, which we’re trying to do anyway. Eating out won’t be much of an option anymore, though we’ll have more options.

There really are many more pros to this than there are cons. Perhaps its the permanence of it all that is so scary. It’s a big change and living off of one income doesn’t make it any easier. However, the fact that we will be downsizing not only our space but our expenses as well should make things better.

It’s a new chapter in our lives. I suppose anyone would be afraid of such a change.

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